she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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