After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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