I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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