Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
