So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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