its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
