Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
