How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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