i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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