I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
