I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
