And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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