can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
