I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
