so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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