I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
