i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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