Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
