All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
