I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i barfeds in our rink
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's blow job season.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
