Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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