Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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