I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
