Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
did i just pee glitter
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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