Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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