That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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