and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
