Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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