Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
