i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
