A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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