my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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