the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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