If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
