Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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