apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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