he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You're like the curious george of whores
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
