you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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