I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
