i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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