Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
