Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
