I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im holly from the hills drunk
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
