if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
