I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
