Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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