He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
