my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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