god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
