So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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