I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
