can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
