So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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