Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
