Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
